You Know That Fantasy Novel is Really the Author's D&D Game When...

  1. It starts in a tavern.
  2. There are four main characters, and it's unclear which one is the protagonist.
  3. There is one protagonist and his three friends, who are different from him in every way.
  4. The main characters are all human. Secondary characters are elves and dwarves.
  5. The only limitation on magic is that, after a certain number of spells, magic users must sleep before they can cast more.
  6. The villain is a human wizard.
  7. The villain is immensely more powerful than the main characters, but despite their obvious bent on stopping him, he doesn't face them until they are strong enough to defeat him.
  8. The main characters are referred to as a "party."
  9. The party consists of a fighter, a thief, a cleric, and a wizard (alternatively: warrior, rogue, healer, and mage; also barbarian, burglar, priest, and sorcerer).
  10. They take on a quest to either save the world or aid the village, for no other reason than that it's right.
  11. Despite the fact that there are many characters more powerful than the protagonists, no one else is willing or able to take on the quest.
  12. Anyone, anywhere, uses "adventure" as a verb.
Got more?

7 comments:

Natalie Whipple said...

Hehe, this cracked me up! Oh man, good times. Good times.

Bane of Anubis said...

The title cracked me up, as did the list.

I'd like to add:

13. One of the sidekicks is a kender :)

Matthew Delman said...

Addendum to 13 -- One of the sidekicks is a kender whose name is some variation on the word Tassel.

14. One of the characters carries a Bag of Holding that stores everything they could ever possibly need. Including a rubber chicken.

Nick said...

You wonder why the characters think they can defeat the villain (who is like, level 100 billion) if they're having trouble with those lowly level .5 goblins. Except for the Dwarf, of course, who has racial bonuses against them!

Nick said...

There are many references to the party "critting" with or without vorpal weapons. And making saves.

Nick said...

Whenever the Dwarf crits, the guy on the receiving end just kind of disappears into goo (since Axes crit for triple damage)

Adam Heine said...

Dang, this should've been my contest. These are hilarious!

Here's another: Black-skinned elves exist. They are always evil and carry dual scimitars (R.A. Salvatore excluded, of course).

Which reminds me: Character names contain apostrophes in unneces'sary and inexplicab'le pl'aces.