Leaning in to Joy

If you're immersed in popular culture, you probably know Marie Kondo. I myself am only lampreyed on to most popular culture, but I still absorbed her basic tenet of ridding oneself of everything except things that spark joy.

I'm not really one for decluttering. I'm not terribly messy—actually, the areas I spend my most time in are aggressively organized—but I am a hereditary pack rat, and I will commit crimes before getting rid of some of my beloved junk.

But my time... well, that could use some decluttering.

I've tried rigorous schedules and journaling to track my time. But schedules are impossible with a family as large and chaotic as mine, and while journaling was helpful to gather information, it also fed the part of me that needs to be perfect. Trying to fix it felt like pressure.

Although therapy has helped me vastly improve how I deal with that pressure, I'm also a learning a new trick. You see, schedules and journaling were often about avoiding things I don't want to do.

But what if I just lean into the things I like.

It's basically the Marie Kondo method, but in reverse and applied to my time. What activities give me joy? Well, let's do more of those! It's not that scrolling social media is bad (or makes me a bad person), it's that reading books makes me feel good! And watching TV with my kids! And playing Silksong!

I'm also discovering that I really, really like playing tabletop RPGs. I actually think they might be my favorite form of game. (That's saying a lot for someone who used to think they sucked at improv and who gets nervous every time they run a session!)

The point is, what if instead of being afraid of the "bad" things, I chose to do more of the good?

The more I do this, the more I find that the joy I get from these activities will even carry me through periods where I don't get that joy—tedium from work, boredom on a long drive, even a brief period spent doomscrolling... The guilt of these has less claim over me when I feel good about how I spent the rest of my time. (And it turns out that joy is, you know, a great way to fight fascism.)

So, where do you find joy? How has seeking it out affected your own life?

The Algorithm Trap

There was a time when an infinite spool of information seemed like the coolest idea humanity had ever come up with. And honestly, it might be. I mean, through Google-fu alone, I've learned a ton more than anyone ever taught me about church history, quantum mechanics, tarot cards, or con-artist schemes (to name just a few).

Even social media can be pretty cool. We can connect with folks we might otherwise have never talked to again, make friends with people who share our nichest of hobbies, and even find unexpected but needed work.

The problem is the algorithms. The endless scroll. In the past, we chose who we followed and what we were interested in seeing, but then social media platforms began feeding us what they thought we wanted... or really what they wanted us to want. There's some merit in this too (discoverability being the main one), but there are a lot of downsides.

And personally, I hate it.

Here's the thing. We are evolutionarily designed such that exclusion and loneliness cause us actual, physical pain, and social media connects us to the largest community humanity has ever created. Heck, part of the dopamine we get from scrolling is a feeling of belonging and being informed and included.

But it's a trap. Because the algorithms don't actually give us the things our brains expect and need from real community. The endless scroll doesn't support us or validate us or feed us or help us survive. Dopamine tells us we're being fed, but we're actually being fed upon.

There is value in social media communities, and for some of us, our financial survival actually does depend on being connected, but when we're scrolling the algorithm, what are we actually gaining from it? Are the benefits worth the deep, deep costs of anxiety, depression, and increased division?

I don't think they are, at least not for me, and I've been trying to inoculate myself against scrolling for a long time. Here are some things that help:

• Check the news in one trusted source (preferably one that aggregates multiple sources).
• Choose who to follow and seek out their posts.
• Use social media lists to focus on the content you want.
• Watch videos mainly from channels you subscribe to.
• Hang out in smaller communities, like forums or Discord servers devoted to topics you have a personal interest in, with people you actually enjoy talking to.
• Make plans with real people to do IRL things.
• If you must feed from the algorithm, set a time or criteria for when you'll stop.

There is one common thread through all of these: CHOICE. Where the algorithms betray us is when we stop thinking, pick up our phone by reflex, open an app by muscle memory, check a notification and realize we're still scrolling an hour later.

It's very hard, because our minds have been hacked, and we're actively working against our own evolution to unhack them. But it can be done, even if it means cutting back, deleting certain apps, or, for some folks, even getting off social media entirely.

And maybe there will come a day when we no longer want endless useless content, when the idea of 24-hour news channels sounds ridiculous, when monetizing our attention requires quality content instead of quantity.

Maybe if enough of us start choosing what we consume, then eventually, that's what they'll have to give us.