Screw the Muse

The muse. Writers depend on her for inspiration. They wait for her, seek her, even honor her, all in the hopes she'll give them that spark they need to write something really great. But you know what?

I'm tired of waiting.

I put my butt in that chair everyday. Where is she? Not at work, I'll tell you that. The muse comes and goes as she pleases, striking me whenever the heck she feels like it.

Screw that.

I'm the one plotting and planning, drafting and revising. I'm the one getting critiques and rejections. Yeah, I get cool ideas out of nowhere sometimes, but they're just as likely to be contemporary YA or a freaking board game as they are to be something I can actually use. Something I can get paid for.

So here's the deal, muse: you work for me, not the other way around. I'll be at work Monday through Thursday starting at 8:30. If you want credit for this job, you'll be there too.

And if you're not, screw you. I'll do it myself.


Susan Kaye Quinn said...

Muse is a hot boy with brooding eyes and tight pants, who either hates or loves me, I'm not quite sure. But he gets me all flustered when he shows up.

WorkEthic is that diligent young man with the soft smile who brings me tea and pats my back and whispers, "You know the first chapter has to be completely re-written, right? But it will totally rock then, sweetie."

I'll take WorkEthic boy any day. :)

Ken Lindsey said...

I'm not sure how my muse feels about me most of the time, but I'm sure she spends a lot of nights with people I don't know, and she never calls to let me know she's ok. It's a tumultuous relationship, and I've learned to write without her, but I love those mornings when I wake and she is next to me. On those mornings, I believe I am the only one for her.

jjdebenedictis said...

:-D <- That grin? Really did happen when I read this post. Hee!

In fact, it hasn't left yet.

dolorah said...

Not all muses are female . .

But I'm with you Adam; I'm sick of waiting out my muse. I keep waiting for this wizardly type with a wand and funny shoes to help with the fantasy. Not happening. Guess I'll just have to plow on alone.

Woo is me :(


IanBontems said...

My muse is a lazy so-and-so that needs me to prod it with a sharp stick before it gives up anything I can use.

Victoria Dixon said...

This made me cheer, Adam! You rock at motivation even better than de-motivation. LOL

K. Marie Criddle said...

My gosh, this made me laugh up lunch. I hear you and I am agreeing wholeheartedly. Unless she makes an effort, there is no way I'm putting her in the acknowledgments.

Adam Heine said...

These comments are making me spit on my screen. I know I said it recently, but you guys are hilarious.

And just so I don't get in trouble later, the muse in my post is female only because that's what they traditionally are. With as lazy as my muse is though, a guy wouldn't surprise me.