Big thanks to Miss Jack for letting us take a look at the back-cover copy of his steampunk novel (we do love steampunk around here). My in-line comments are off to the right, with overall comments at the end. Keep in mind that this is just my opinion. If it doesn't feel right to you, ignore it.
|I like that Peter has a goal and an|
obstacle. Nice start!
I do feel like some words could be
|This is interesting, but I kinda want|
to see how it connects to Peter. Is
Peter the missing person? Or maybe
Singur (the guy below)?
|I like this start, but it feels vague.|
What has he invented? What is his
mission? How will he alter history?
|Is this one of the World Wars? That|
should be made clear up front, I think.
Back-cover copy is an unusual beast. It's not a query, and yet it is: your goal is to compel the reader to want more. And I think the way you do that is the same: compelling characters, conflict, and a sadistic choice.
This has the beginning of those, I think. All three have goals and conflict, but I feel like the specifics are missing. I kinda want more than just a secret, a missing person, and a dangerous mission. And I want to know what their choice at the end is, not just that they have some.
Lastly, I feel like there could be a stronger connection between the three. Is Singur the missing person? Is the British girl Peter's secret? Is the general the mad man behind it all? These might not be true, but if you connect one character to the other, it will draw the reader in much more smoothly, rather than forcing them to restart with each new paragraph.
But that's just my opinion. What do the rest of you guys think?
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