Wrecked by Critiques (and Dealing With It)

Original Picture: Sam Sanford

I know revisions are where good novels are made. I know it. But getting notes back from my critique partners always wrecks me. It's like getting punched in my fear of failure over and over and over and over.

Here's how I deal with it.

1. I have a rule: no reading critiques right before bed. Critiques either make me despair, or else drive my brain into a planning frenzy trying to fix things. Either way, I sleep terribly when this happens.

2. Read it all in one go. No sense in dragging out the torture.

3. Eat some bacon.

4. Write down the major things that need work. Once I see it as a list, I usually realize there's only a couple of things that will take more than a sentence-change to fix (granted, there's a thousand sentence changes, but . . . ).

5. Take a break. My brain needs time to process how to fix things. Optionally: repeat step #3.

6. Make a plan. I don't know about you, but by the time I have a plan (and some bacon), I feel all better.

What about you? Are you wrecked by critiques (and if not, who are you)? What do you do about it?

First Impact: BLOOM by Ranee Clark

HEY! We're done with August, but I have nothing to critique for September! If you want your query letter, first page, or back cover copy critiqued here, send it to firstimpactAE@gmail.com. Details here.

Time for another First Impact critique. Remember, if you share your thoughts in the comments, you are eligible to win a 10-page critique from Tricia Lawrence of Erin Murphy Literary Agency. Your critique doesn't have to be long, just useful!

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A big thank you to Ranee for submitting the query for her YA fantasy, BLOOM.

Remember all this is just my opinion. If it doesn't feel right to you, ignore it. Any in-line comments are to the right, overall thoughts at the end.


Query

This part doesn't come across like
you'd think it would. Cut it.

In BLOOM, a Young Adult fantasy novel complete at 86,000 words, the comfortably sweet yet still sassy voice of Finna Claremont will captivate readers.

Not sure why the italics. Otherwise,
this is a decent start.

Born into one of the Big Three families of the Enchanter realm, 17-year-old Finna Claremont’s lineage—yeah, lineage—should mean she’ll make a great guardian…. Right.?
 

This is a big paragraph. Can it be
broken up?

I'm in for this whole thing until the
last two sentences. It gets vague, and
I don't see a compelling choice like
I want to.

Finna’s screwed up everything from transporting to blocking her thoughts since she was little, so when a fairy declares Finna has special responsibilities to protect her world, it shocks everyone, including Finna. To prove she can hack it as a guardian, Finna sets out to stop an evil politician threatening the rights of all Enchanters. She’ll have to trust the last person she ever expected to befriend (not to mention fall in love with) to pull it off. And trusting Liam Monroe isn’t as easy as it sounds. Because he’s a Monroe. They’ve hated the Claremonts for a hundred years, and the feeling is mutual. There’s a lot more than family honor riding on the line if Finna fails to measure up. She’ll have to count on her fledgling powers or else watch the world she knows disappear.

Brief and to the point. Good.

I am the president of my American Night Writers Association chapter where I volunteer my cold-hearted manuscript reviewing services. If you would like to consider BLOOM, I’d be happy to forward the complete manuscript to you.

Thank you for your time and consideration,

Ranee` S. Clark
raneesclark.blogspot.com
ANWA PM Writers President

Adam's Thoughts
This is a solid start. The story sounds cool, the character and conflict are clear, and you've got a strong, fun voice.

Which brings me to point #1: Don't tell us what the voice is. Show us. Don't say it will captivate readers. Captivate us.

I think you did a great job of showing the voice in the rest of the query, but it's funny how saying what the voice is has the opposite effect intended. Like if a guy asks you out and says, "I promise I'm not a creepy stalker who'll research your personal history on Facebook."

He might be telling the truth, but it feels weird.

Point #2: a compelling choice. I know I harp on this, but that's because it works. "Do or die" is not really a choice. We all know she's going to try, else there wouldn't be a story. What makes her situation impossible? What makes us think we have no idea what we would do in her shoes?

But all in all, this feels like a great start to me. What do the rest of you guys think? What would you change?

First Impact: Out of the Water by Deniz Bevan

Time for another First Impact critique. Remember, if you share your thoughts in the comments, you are eligible to win a 10-page critique from Tricia Lawrence of Erin Murphy Literary Agency. Your critique doesn't have to be long, just useful!

To continue this feature, we need stuff to critique! Send your queries, first pages, etc. to firstimpactAE@gmail.com. Details here.

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A big thank you to long-time reader Deniz for submitting the query for her historical romance, OUT OF THE WATER. (Also thank you for coming in well under the 300-word limit. My wife and children thank you.)

Keep in mind all this is just my opinion. If it doesn't feel right to you, ignore it. Any in-line comments are to the right, overall thoughts at the end.


Query Letter

Maybe mention the year right away?

Not sure how I feel about this final
line.

Eighteen-year-old Rosa becomes separated from her family as they flee their Spanish homeland, and the Inquisition. Now her one hope of reaching Constantinople and reuniting with her family lies with a stranger, Baha, an artist returning to the Ottoman Empire. As they travel together, Rosa's drive to find her loved ones is matched by a deepening desire for the man at her side.

I think we skipped the bit where she
reunited with her family.

Again, not sure about the last line.

Yet her family refuses to accept this man of a different faith. Constantinople was meant to be her family's refuge, but when janissaries arrest her father and brother, Rosa and Baha risk their lives to rescue them. Together they will prove that their love can withstand their differences... if the Grand Vizier doesn't throw them both in the dungeons first.

OUT OF THE WATER is complete at 115,000 words. I hope you find my 15th-Century historical romance a good fit for your interests.

Italicize the newspaper title?

I have lived and worked in Turkey, and my non-fiction work, including travel articles, book reviews and personal essays, has most recently appeared in the trilingual (English, French, and Turkish) newspaper Bizim Anadolu.

 

Not sure whether this is necessary.

Initial drafts of OUT OF THE WATER were revised through participation in author Barbara Rogan's invitation-only Next Level Workshop.

Thank you for your consideration.

Sincerely,

Deniz Bevan

 

 

Adam's Thoughts

You know, Deniz, this feels really strong to me. You've got a strong character, goal, obstacles, and -- if not a sadistic choice -- at least very strong stakes. I'm just going to explain a couple of my comments up there, then let the commenters at it (who, of course, may have an entirely different opinion).

Last line of the 1st paragraph. I'm not sure what strikes me as off about this line. It's minor. Maybe it's the abstract comparison of her drive and her desire, when I want something more specific (but how can you get specific about love? I don't know).

Last line of the 2nd paragraph. I didn't realize it at first, but I think what I'm missing here is a choice. Their goal and stakes are strong (save her family, possibly die trying), but it's not as compelling as a sadistic choice. I kind of assume she's going to save them, so what's going to entice me to read on at this point, to say, "How the heck is she going to do that?"

The more I think about it, the more I think that's the big lack. Everything else is here.

As for nitpicking the bio paragraphs, they look pretty solid to me. I'm very much of the "less is more" philosophy of bio paragraphs, so I do question things like whether you need to talk about your non-fiction work (though writing for a Turkish newspaper is cool) or whether agents are likely to care what workshops were used to revised it (even prestigious ones). Your story is strong enough for me that I don't think you need those things, but it's your call.

What do the rest of you guys think? Does it need a choice? Am I being too picky about the bios? Should "15th-century" be hyphenated or not? (I'm kidding. The answer to the last question is "yes.")

First Impact: Dead Reckoning by Aline Carriere

Time for another First Impact critique. Remember, if you share your thoughts in the comments, you are eligible to win a 10-page critique from Tricia Lawrence of Erin Murphy Literary Agency. Your critique doesn't have to be long, just useful!

If you want your material critiqued, send it to firstimpactAE@gmail.com. Details here.

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Thank you to Aline for submitting the first page of her erotic historical adventure novel, Dead Reckoning. (Don't worry if erotic isn't your thing -- it isn't mine either, but the page below is totally PG).

Keep in mind all this is just my opinion. If it doesn't feel right to you, ignore it. Any in-line comments are to the right, overall thoughts at the end.


First Page
(Author's Note: The reference to Flint from "Treasure Island" is intentional as "Treasure Island" is an integral part of the book.) 

The pirates found Anne below and roughly brought dragged [or some stronger verb] her to the deck of the ship. They pawed at her and pulled at her clothes; her hair unraveled and fell in golden curls on her shoulders. When she pushed their hands away, others took their place.

“Here comes Flint,” one of the men said and they stopped their jostling. “Look what we found below, Cap’n.” The men parted and revealed Anne disheveled, confused and trembling.

“Where is Captain Cole?” she demanded. Flint glared at her with piercing green eyes and she looked down. No sooner had she done so, he He lifted her chin with his hand and forced her to confront him. Flint was a name even she had heard whispered in fear – a pirate who was a curse to the civilized world and a legend among pirates. She fought to meet his stare. She did not want to appear weak, but her body betrayed her. She could not stop from shaking and tears formed in her eyes. She sensed his command and strength and in horror realized he was her only hope.

A couple phrases here made me
question whose POV we're in.

“Your Captain and those of the crew who would not join us are dead.” Flint took in the struggle within her and dropped his hand. She did not look down, but rather at the men around her as though to challenge them.

What mess is he talking about?

“Gregor, take her to the great cabin,” Flint said, “and the rest of you sort this mess before I get my whip.” He walked past her without looking at her again.

In the last sentence, I just think the
humor hits better if 'considerably'
is applied only to the second one.

Anne Davis, newly turned eighteen, was had been a passenger bound from Boston to Bristol aboard the Merrilee on a glorious April day in 17 – with a cargo of molasses, spirits and rum. She had been on her way to meet her fiancé for the first time across the ocean;, an arrangement she looked forward to with dread and hope, and which had now been replaced with considerably more dread and considerably less hope.




Adam's Thoughts
If I read erotic novels, I would absolutely keep reading this. It's well written, with voice, tension, and two great characters from the start. We learn a lot about Anne even before the final paragraph, just in the way she responds to Flint with both fear and attempted challenge, and in how "even she" had heard Flint's name.

And Flint, too, is an interesting character. He steps onto the stage with authority, but shows a hint of compassion as he sees her fear and chooses to drop his hand. It's such a tiny gesture, but it speaks a lot.

I honestly don't have a lot to say about this. The only thing is I'd be careful of sticking inside Anne's POV. There were just a couple of phrases here and there that threw me out of her head for a moment: when the men "revealed" Anne in para. 2, and then in para. 4 when Flint takes in her struggle (made me wonder how she knew he was doing that) and again when looks at the crew "as though" to challenge them (doesn't she know whether she's challenging them or not? I'd say something like "in a weak attempt at challenging them" or something).

But that's me being nit-picky. You really did a great job with this, Aline, as far as I'm concerned.

What do the rest of you think?

First Impact: The Eyelet Dove by Lindsay Kitson

Time for another First Impact critique. Remember you are eligible to win a 10-page critique from Tricia Lawrence of Erin Murphy Literary Agency, if you share your thoughts in the comments. Your critique doesn't have to be long, just useful!

If you want your material critiqued, send it to firstimpactAE@gmail.com. Details here.

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Thank you to Lindsay for submitting the back cover copy of her Dieselpunk novel, The Eyelet Dove.

Keep in mind all this is just my opinion. If it doesn't feel right to you, ignore it. Any in-line comments are to the right, overall thoughts at the end.


Back Cover Copy

I love the elements here, but I feel
like this opening could be trimmed.

Avalice’s impoverished middle class grows restless with the indulgences and warmongering of their King and nobles in their flying fortresses and chateaus in the sky.

This feels like backstory, so I'm now
wondering if all these details really
have to be here.

Ten years ago, Etienne formed the Machinists union, and wrote a book, The Manifesto Machina, about the equality of all people. When the King ordered the disbandment of his union, they refused and the king had them slaughtered, Etienne thrown in prison, and every known copy of The Manifesto Machina burned.

Now Etienne is on a conditional release, serving in the military as an engineer. But when cheaply printed copies of The Manifesto Machina are distributed in the capitol, he’s the first one everyone suspects. The Admiral tries to keep him from the firing squad, but by the time Etienne finds out who reprinted his book, he realizes he can’t turn his back on his beliefs, and joins them.

I know these will connect (I can see
it down there), but this feels like a
whole new story to me. It's a little
jarring.

Meanwhile, on the Dreadnaught Omnipotent, a flying aircraft carrier, Claire dreams of being Avalice’s first female fighter pilot. But when her dream comes true, she finds herself embroiled in intrigue surrounding the Admiral’s prodigal bastard son, ace pilot Michel. When Michel is suspected of murdering a nobleman, Claire is caught in the middle, trying to uncover Michel’s true motives.

Here it feels like it unravels a bit.
It's good and exciting, but I think it
loses focus a little.

While Etienne stirs up a revolution, the King gets word of a saboteur planted on the Omnipotent, known only as the Eyelet Dove, with a mission to cripple the military when Etienne’s rebels attack. The Admiral must find and arrest the Eyelet Dove before he has a chance to act, and when Avalines take up arms against Avalines, Claire's loyalty will be tested.


Adam's Thoughts
I have a confession. When you said, "the Dreadnaught Omnipotent, a flying aircraft carrier," I said, "Oh HECK yes!"

Yeah, so, I'm easy.

There is a lot of cool stuff here. It sounds like a really solid story that I absolutely would read. I think the only thing it really needs is a little trimming and a little focus.

The trimming comes in deciding which plot points to talk about and which to summarize. For example, the entire 2nd paragraph could be summarized by introducing Etienne in the 3rd paragraph as "former revolutionary Etienne." The trick is deciding what's important enough to stick in here. It's hard to say without having read your story, but as a guideline: (1) Get to the main plot as soon as possible (no backstory, if you can help it) and (2) no history of characters who are not the main character.

Which brings me to the focus. Claire's sadistic choice is the one we're left with at the end, which makes me feel like she's the main character. If Etienne is also a main character, then sure: he can have a full paragraph (though I'd like it if they were connected more). But if his revolution is just the foil for Claire's story, then Etienne doesn't need to be mentioned at all.

Finally, I felt like that last paragraph lost focus a little. To be more specific, it talked about what "the Admiral" must do, for example, when the Admiral is not a character we care about. And it doesn't tell us why Claire's loyalty will be tested, which lessens the impact of the choice.

But as I said, if I had read this as-is, I probably would've peeked at the opening pages. This really does sound like something I'd enjoy.

What's your opinion, guys? How could this be improved?

First Impact: The Show Must Not Go On by J. Kaitlin Adams

Time for another First Impact critique. But first: July's winner, who gets to choose between $10 for Amazon/B&N OR a 20-page critique from me, iiiiiiiis . . . Stephanie Scott! Congratulations, Stephanie.

And for August, we have a special prize: a 10-page critique from my agent, Tricia Lawrence! To be eligible, all you have to do is share your thoughts in the comments of any First Impact post this month. Your critique doesn't have to be long, just useful!

If you want your material critiqued, send it to firstimpactAE@gmail.com. Details here.

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Thank you to Kaitlin for submitting the first page of her YA fantasy. Keep in mind all this is just my opinion. If it doesn't feel right to you, ignore it.

Any in-line comments are to the right, overall thoughts at the end.


Opening Page

Right from the start, I'm interested
in this strange relationship she has
with her parents. Nice.

My talent was about the only thing that made my parents happy. And But in my sixteen years of experience, I had learned their happiness usually ended in my suffering. So when they called my name for dinner, their voices high and excited, a hard knot formed in the pit of my stomach. I walked into the kitchen where they sat at the table, holding hands and smiling. The knot in my stomach grew.

“Lori,” Mom said, “sit down.”

I stayed where I was. Our best silver platters were piled high with fish, chicken, and rice. Fruit and rolls topped our porcelain bowls. And our crystal pitchers were filled to the brim with tea. Eating well was not rare for us. Eating for a family of ten was. I had spent the past five hours outside, practicing my talent, unaware Mom was cooking such a feast.

“Your mother and I,” Dad said, “have decided-”

This felt a little strange to me, since
she had just called Lori down to talk
(presumably). Maybe if she just called
her for dinner at first, instead?

“Wait until after dinner,” Mom said.

“Why?”

“She’ll need a full stomach. It’ll be a lot to take in.”

Dad squeezed Mom’s hand and grinned. “Right. Sit down and eat up, Lori.”

Not sure how I feel about this simile.
I like that she's relating her value
to something in the scene, but then it
breaks when the fish's parents are
brought up.

I hadn’t seen Dad that happy in ages. Any appetite I had had left, disappeared. I sat, and after they filled their plates with food, I didn’t touch any of it. They exchanged a glance. It wasn’t like the food was poisoned. If I died, my talent would die with me, and then I’d be about as valuable as the platter of dead fish were to their parents. I just figured the longer I took to finish dinner, the longer I could prolong put off what they were about to tell me.

Minor nitpick: In the last paragraph
it sounds like she's not going to eat
at all. This almost feels like giving
in to me (even though I know it's not).

I put a couple of bites of fish and a roll on my plate. Even after my parents had eaten all their food, I still had most of the fish and half a roll left on mine. They watched me, their hands still eintertwined, hardly able to control the twitching of their lips. Mom’s free fingers drummed the table. Every few minutes or so, Dad sighed, as if that would hurry me along.

I pinched off a piece of my roll, about the size of my fingernail. I looked at it, turned it over, smelled it-

This made me laugh out loud.

“EAT!” Dad yelled.

Adam's Thoughts
There's a lot of interesting stuff here: a wry voice, a strange relationship between Lori and her parents, a mysterious talent, and an even more mysterious announcement.

The voice really drew me in. It's not just Lori's snark about her situation -- I've seen that before -- but also the almost comical actions of her parents that make me like them (even though they somehow make the protagonist suffer).

My only real complaint about this is that even after 370 words (yes, I do count -- if people start going overboard regularly, I'm going to have to cut them off ;-), I still don't know what any of the mysteries are. Not that I want everything explained up front, but I feel like we could get there sooner, or at least get some hints here and there, like a puzzle to solve.

But it's really hard to say, because this is only the first page, and for all I know everything is answered in the next line. But hey, the sooner you can hook the reader with your cool gimmick, the better, right?

Anyway, that's just my opinion. What do the rest of you think?

NOTE: Kaitlin has a revised version in the comments. You are welcome to critique either one.

First Impact: Mourn Their Courage by Victoria Dixon

Time for another First Impact critique. Remember you are eligible to win $10 for Amazon/B&N OR a 20-page critique from me if you share your thoughts in the comments. Your critique doesn't have to be long, just useful!

If you want your material critiqued, send it to firstimpactAE@gmail.com. Details here.

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Big thanks to long-time reader Victoria Dixon for submitting the first page of her Chinese historical fantasy. Keep in mind all this is just my opinion. If it doesn't feel right to you, ignore it.

My in-line comments are to the right, overall thoughts at the end.


Opening Page

I like the gestures here, but I'm not
sure whose POV this is. Also, as an
opening, I'm hoping for some small
hint of conflict or mystery to make
it more compelling.

Once Liu Jie joined his general on the staircase, General Tong Zhang drained his tankard in a gulp and slammed the metal cup against the stair's supporting pillar. Both men stood in their heavy double-framed cuirasses, framed by the stair's red pillars. If the inn were not so crowded already, Zhang would not have needed to draw the men's attention.

Every eye? Really ;-)

Jie waited until he'd met every eye and while the room quieted in anticipation.

I'm not sure we need their full names
both here AND at the start.

I think this would be clearer if Jie
were more direct, like "Emperor
Xien has charged us to protect the
capital from rebels [etc]."

"My name is Lord Liu Jie. This is my partner, Tong Zhang.” Jie gestured to the Imperial notice by the inn's door. “For the safety of his people, Emperor Xien has warned us about rebels who have robbed from Imperial warehouses — stealing from all of us and threatening the capital. We must do more than be wary. Our Imperial Father is in danger and we must protect him." Jie paused. "My partner will see we're you are fed and I will pay those who will serve."

A murmur rose in seconds. Most men joined militias and were paid with for consistent meals they didn't receive elsewhere.

Jie raised his hand for silence and the room quieted in an instant. "Make your mark on the sign up sheet. We'll take recruits for the next three days." Jie nodded to the crowd and stepped off the landing as men rushed forward to give their names to Zhang.

I'm not sure who is marveling here.

Servants lit the paper lanterns whose construction he and his family had marveled at days before when they arrived. The fragile lights swayed as he passed.

At first, I confused the "starving
farmers" here with the men he was
enlisting. Could that be clarified?

I love this last line. It implies the
sadistic choice I'm always talking
about.

Jie still struggled, sickened by his decision to go to war. The rebels were probably starving farmers in need of pity, not punishment, but their actions required the latter. All Jie wanted was to reach his nephew the Emperor and stop the mounting civil unrest. It was why he and his family had journeyed all the way across the country, but now he couldn't reach the Emperor without sounding the battle drums he'd fought to keep silent. To bring peace, I must attack my brothers.


Adam's Thoughts
I love Asian history and historical fantasy. I, personally, would keep reading based on genre alone. I also like the gestures and the descriptions here. I feel drawn into the scene.

One problem I had was figuring out whose point of view we're in. The opening image of them standing, framed by pillars, implies omniscient or a third character. The last sentence of the first paragraph implies Zhang's POV, but later we get deeply into Jie's thoughts.

Another way I think you can improve this is to bring up Jie's internal conflict about the civil war sooner, even in the first paragraph. I don't mean mean move the whole last paragraph to the front, but just provide some kind of hint in the first paragraph that Jie is conflicted about what he has to do (maybe something about enlisting poor farmers to fight poor farmers, for example). I think that might help engage the reader from the very start.

But that's just my opinion. What do the rest of you guys think?

First Impact: Through the Wormhole by Mairead Ahmad and Jennifer Van Haaften

Time for another First Impact critique. Remember you are eligible to win $10 for Amazon/B&N OR a 20-page critique from me if you share your thoughts in the comments. Your critique doesn't have to be long, just useful!

If you would like your material critiqued, send it to firstimpactAE@gmail.com. Details here.

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A huge thanks to Mairead and Jennifer for submitting the first page* of their MG sci-fi. Keep in mind this is just my opinion. If it doesn't feel right to you, ignore it.

My in-line comments are to the right, overall thoughts at the end. Line edits are in red, and highlighted text is usually something I referred to in the in-line comments.


Opening Page

Loving the chapter title.

THE DAY SHOELACES ALMOST DERAILED HISTORY

“Flute!” The word echoed down the bright blue hallway, followed by a resounding thud.

I feel like there's a lot to keep track
of. Are they in a school? Hospital?

Skidding to a halt several feet ahead, Zak turned, his suit sparkling in the light. His uncle Aztar lay sprawled face down on the copper tiled floor. A clipboard hovered above his head, slowly spinning.

The two untagged dialogs in a row
are making me wonder who's talking.

I do love this world bit though.

“Uncle A!” A dull groan was the only answer. Zak’s day was not going according to plan, not that they ever did. Although, when he thought about it, his days never went according to any plan of his making. He sprinted back to Aztar’s side. Medic-bots had already been activated and were rushing toward them on spidery legs.

It's not immediately clear to me
these refer to the nanocomputers.
That made this whole paragraph a
lot to take in.

“The nanocomputers?” Aztar asked, scrambling to a kneeling position, knocking the clipboard with his head. Zak grabbed the clipboard, the devices were still attached. He checked both two-inch square computers with the name Herman imprinted on each wristband.

“They’re fine!” Zak’s voice cracked. “Come on! Anyana is flipping her lid.” But even as the words left his mouth the medic-bots were swarming over Aztar, scanning him, and looking for injuries.

I love this.

"Aztar grumbled" feels like dialog
tag overkill to me.

I feel like this paragraph should be
broken in two after Aztar's last
dialog.

“I’m not hurt!” Aztar said as loudly and clearly as he could, swiping at the bots as more jumped up to poke and prod him. “I hate this new medical experiment,” Aztar grumbled. “Six more months of these….medic-bots running around the Singh Complex and I’ll be ready to explode.” One of the bots jumped onto Aztar’s shoulder, making him leap up. It started scanning his face, repeating the phrase, “Nasal contusion, possible concussion…..scanning, scanning.” Aztar shoved it off his shoulder, it landed easily on its six legs. Aztar shook his pants to keep more from climbing on him.

“He’s not hurt!” Zac yelled,. “Go dormant!” He watched them slink away looking rather crest-fallen, if that was possible for a machine. He wondered if it was even possible for a computer-operated machine to care about its job.


Adam's Thoughts
I'm really enjoying the voice and snatches of world-building so far. I would keep reading, but I'd be concerned about a couple of things:

1. Wordy jokes lost in wordiness. I notice a general tendency here to use 2-3 sentences where one will do, especially around the jokes (like the two I red-lined here). I think the whole thing would benefit from some ruthless trimming, but the jokes most of all. Brevity is the soul of wit, right?
2. Grounding the reader in the world. I really do love the world-building bits here, but be careful you don't pound the reader with too much too soon. Guide them into the strangeness gently.
3. Exclamation marks. I count 7 in just 300 words. I think only the first two do any work, especially with dialog tags like "Aztar said...loudly" and "Zac yelled" (and actually, even those dialog tags are probably unnecessary...).

But that's just my opinion. What do the rest of you guys think?


* On a random note, I love how the first three First Impact entries have covered the three main types I asked for: queries, back-cover copy, and first page (in that order, no less). Well done, guys! Now I don't suppose anyone has a 1-page synopsis for me to look at?

What Constitutes a Real Critique

This is primarily for First Impact, though I think it applies to critiquing in general. I offer the monthly prizes to encourage critiques, but I don't want you to think you have to work hard for it.*

Your critique does not have to be long. When I say only "real" critiques are entered for the prize, I mean useful critiques. Saying "This rocks!" or "This sucks!" is not useful.

However: "This rocks! I love how clearly you lay out the protagonist's choice at the end" is useful, and those 15 words totally count towards the monthly prize.

You don't have to be an expert, just a reader. The point of first impact material is to compel someone to read on. Agents are readers just like you and me, compelled by the same things. All you have to do is say whether or not it worked for you.

You will learn by critiquing. I've talked about this before, but the more you critique something -- anything -- the better you will get not only at critiquing but also writing. The critiques are for you as much as anyone else.

All that to say: DON'T BE AFRAID TO LEAVE A QUICK CRITIQUE. Writing is subjective, so multiple quick critiques can actually be more useful to a writer than one person's (points at self) verbose opinion.

When in doubt, just say whether or not you liked it and a brief note of why. That's all you gotta do. Here, why don't you practice now.

* Although the long critiques are most certainly appreciated. ALL critiques are.

Want a Critique? Let's Talk

We're gonna start something new here on Author's Echo. And it pretty much involves only good things for you.

FIRST, you can get a critique. I will accept:

• Query Letters
• Back-Cover Copy
• First Pages
• 1-page Synopses
• Basically anything under 300 words that is used to answer the question, "Do I want to read this book?"

These are your first impressions. Agents look at query letters, readers look at back-cover copy, and everybody will read that first page. You want to make an impact right from the start, and I want to help you do that.

Send your first impact material to firstimpactAE@gmail.com. Tell me WHAT IT IS (query letter, back-cover, etc.), the TITLE, the AUTHOR (that's you), the GENRE, and then no more than about 300 words.

Every Wednesday, I will post one of these to the blog along with my thoughts. Then I'll open it up for critiques from Author's Echo readers (who, by the way, are really smart and talented individuals themselves).

But wait, there's more!

The SECOND good thing is for those of you who will be critiquing. Not only do you get to experience all the goodness of giving a critique, but every month I will randomly select one critter to win EITHER:

• $10 at Amazon or B&N
• A 20-page critique from me

Seriously, I can't see a downside for anybody here. First Impact posts start going up next week. If you have any questions, read the fine print or ask away in the comments.

FINE PRINT

• I will try to critique everything sent to me, but I make no guarantees. What if you guys send me like a thousand query letters? What if I go blind from awesome? What if the Mayans were right? YOU JUST NEVER KNOW!
• I will accept any genre, though keep in mind sci-fi/fantasy is my thing.
• Critters will receive one entry for each week they offer a critique. Most months, this means you can earn up to 4 entries for the drawing.
• Only actual critiques will be entered for the monthly prize. They don't have to be long, just useful. "This rocks!" or "This sucks!" won't cut it.
• You may comment multiple times on a single post, but you'll still get only one entry for the drawing.

The Downside of Critiquing

Critiquing others' work has a lot of things going for it.

It helps you identify weak points in your own writing. You know that whole plank/speck thing? All those things you can't see in your own writing are easier to see in someone else's. And the cool thing is, the more you do it, the more likely you are to catch them in your own work.

It helps you learn from people's strengths. Like, I'm terrible with the descriptions. So when I'm critiquing for someone whose good at them, I'm all, "Oo, how did she do that!" And because I'm in critiquing mode (instead of reading mode) I actually pay attention to the answer.

It helps you make friends. People like it when you do something for them, and they almost always offer to pay it back. It's an easy way to build solid relationships, which for an introvert like me is critical.

But the downside to critiquing is this:

Daddy, Where Do Crit Partners Come From?

I don't technically have a critique group. I don't meet with other writers on a regular basis, and the only person who sees my chapters as they come out is my wife. Part of that is there just aren't a lot of sci-fi/fantasy writers in Chiang Mai (though admittedly I haven't looked very hard, what with my abject terror of new things).

So I don't have a group, per se, but I do have critique partners -- those hardened souls committed to reading through the garbage I send them. I collect them the way other people collect Pokemon (though my crit partners complain a lot more when I try to stick them in those little balls).

Whenever people ask how to find good crit partners, I want to make a chart. Actually, that's misleading: I always want to make a chart.

DEFINITIONS
Blogging: Either they found my blog or I found theirs. We commented. We discovered common interests. Then one day, one of us tweeted or e-mailed The Question, and a crit partner relationship was formed.
Real Life: I hope this is self-explanatory.
Twitter: Similar to blogging, except I either never knew this person had a blog or I didn't follow it until later.
Through Agent: Not a road everyone can take, but I have recently collected crit partners because we share representation.
Critters.org: A great site if you want to exercise your critting muscles. And every once in a while, a stronger relationship is formed.

Conclusions? Well, blogging and reading blogs has been ridiculously profitable for me in terms of crit partners, but it's not the only road. And it's certainly not the fastest (I've been blogging for 4 years now).

If you're curious what my crit partners look like as writers, well . . . I made that chart too:

What's interesting to me is that, when we met each other, most of my crit partners were at the same spot as I was, and none of them were published. But 4 years later, I now have Real Live Published Authors who will happily read my stuff. That's kind of crazy to me, but I guess this is how it happens -- not by approaching the unapproachable, but by forming long-term relationships and sticking with them.

Where do you find your crit partners? Have any advice for people who have none?

Good Critiquers Make Suggestions

Is this controversial? I don't know, though I've heard people say they don't like it when critiquers suggest ways to fix things or (gasp!) try to write the scene in their own words. "It's my novel!" they say. "How dare they try to write it for me!"

Me? I love it. Sometimes it's because the critiquer is a much better writer than I am, and I steal their suggestions outright (with permission, of course). But most of the time I love suggestions because it helps me really see what the problem is.

For example, one early beta reader said some action scenes felt "flat." That alone could mean a lot of things, so I asked if he could give me an example. He came back with a little over a page of my novel, revised and rewritten as he would have done it himself.

I loved it. I kept some of his sentences and phrasing, but also I replaced a lot of his stuff with something that better fit the voice/character/situation. But most importantly, because of those suggestions, I learned. I now understand more of what makes action flat or tense and am able to apply the same lessons to my other action scenes. I couldn't have done that without his suggestions.

When critiquing for someone else, you do want to be careful about making suggestions/rewrites. Some people take it badly, and you need to word your suggested revisions carefully.

But not for me. Rewrite and suggest revisions all you want. I'll take it for what it is: your opinion. But it's better than an opinion because it's specific. And that's what a good critique is.


What do you think? Do you like specific suggestions/rewrites in your critiques, or do they ruffle your feathers?

Guest Post: Why My Critique Partners Are Smarter Than Me

Susan Kaye Quinn is a regular here at Author's Echo and one of my critique partners. She writes, she blogs, she mothers, and I understand she once politicked and rocket scienced (it's a word now -- shut up). Her new novel Open Minds, which I talked about yesterday, is out now, and to celebrate, Susan wrote like a billion blog posts.

Her book is awesome because it's about a world of mind readers and hidden mindjackers (who control minds). This guest post is cool because it talks about how smart I am. You should probably read both.

Oh, also, she's giving away prizes as part of her virtual book launch party. Information after Susan's post.


This title probably sounds like I'm kissing up to my critique partners. And while they are awesome and deserve all the praise I can give them (especially the ones that critiqued Open Minds), that's not quite what I mean.

Robert McKee, in his screenwriting book Story, talks about how the collective IQ of the audience goes up 25 points as the lights dim down. Every sense is tuned to the visual, verbal, and musical cues on the screen. Years of storytelling in the form of movies, books, and TV have trained the audience's intuition. They know the tropes by instinct, and while they probably couldn't tell you why, they just KNOW that the creepy character in the first act is going to come back and be the villain in the end.

Have you ever watched a movie where you "totally saw that coming"? Yeah, me too.

Writing a story that can keep that hyper-attuned audience in the dark until just the right reveal is an extremely difficult task. The writer has to plant just enough clues, but not too many. Provide just the right mood, but not sloppily slurp into cliché-land. Give just enough romance and meaning and depth to move the audience and not so much that it makes them cringe.

Critique partners are the movie-preview audience of the novel world.

When I was writing Open Minds, I went through round after round of critiques from different sets of writer friends who were generous enough to add their expertise to help make the story better. If you read the acknowledgements page, you'll see what I mean. A LOT of writers helped craft this story into its final form and each contributed an important insight into the story. Any reader can give feedback about whether a story "works" for them, but writer-readers are extra helpful in that they can help pinpoint how to fix it as well.

When I return the favor of a critique, I try to give feedback to my writer friend about how the story would be received by a hyper-tuned reader. But I also try to make suggestions for improvements. Sometimes I leave it vague ("more emotional connection needed here" or "I'm not really liking this character—is that the reaction you want me to have?"); sometimes I get more specific ("Reorder this scene to put the high impact point last" or "We need a kiss here"). When I'm very lucky, a crit partner will ask me to help show how to reword or rewrite a small scene. Somehow these scenes always seem to be kissing related, and I joked with a critique friend that I was changing my business card from "Author and Rocket Scientist" to "Author, Rocket Scientist, and Kissing Consultant." (Note: Yes, there are kisses in Open Minds, but nowhere as many as Life, Liberty, and Pursuit—that was a love story after all.)

I relish these times that I can pay back a small bit of the help I get from my brilliant critique partners.

When my critique partners read my MS, they are hyper-attuned like the readers that I hope will someday read the book. Those readers, as soon as they crack open my book or switch on their e-readers, will become savvy, impossibly smart story consumers. Don't underestimate them. They will see your plot twists coming. They will want to be surprised, moved to tears, made to laugh out loud. If you want to deliver a great reading experience for them, if you want to light up their imagination in a way that will rival two hours in a dark theatre, make sure you pretest your novel with critique partners. They will help you find the sluggish plot points, the stereotyped characters, and implausible action sequences before your readers do.

And if they suggest a kiss, let me know if you need a consultant. :)

*********************

When everyone reads minds, a secret is a dangerous thing to keep.

Sixteen-year-old Kira Moore is a zero, someone who can’t read thoughts or be read by others. Zeros are outcasts who can’t be trusted, leaving her no chance with Raf, a regular mindreader and the best friend she secretly loves. When she accidentally controls Raf’s mind and nearly kills him, Kira tries to hide her frightening new ability from her family and an increasingly suspicious Raf. But lies tangle around her, and she’s dragged deep into a hidden world of mindjackers, where having to mind control everyone she loves is just the beginning of the deadly choices before her.

Open Minds (Book One of the Mindjack Trilogy) by Susan Kaye Quinn is available in e-book (Amazon US (also UK, France and Germany), Barnes & Noble, Smashwords) and print (Amazon, Createspace, also autographed copies available from the author).

The Story of Open Minds (linked posts)
Ch 1: Where Ideas Come From: A Mind Reading World
Ch 2: A Study in Voice, or Silencing Your Inner Critic
Ch 3: I'm finished! Oh wait. Maybe not.
Ch 4: Write First, Then Outline - Wait, That's Backwards?
Ch 5: Why My Critique Partners Are Smarter Than Me
Ch 6: Facing Revisions When It Feels Like Being on the Rack
Ch 7: How to Know When to Query
Ch 8: A Writer’s Journey - Deciding to Self-Publish Open Minds (Part One)
Ch 9: Owning the Writerly Path - Deciding to Self-Publish Open Minds (Part Two)
Epilogue: Finding Time to Write the Sequel

*********************

PRIZES!

Susan Kaye Quinn is giving away an Open Books/Open Minds t-shirt, mug, and some fun wristbands to celebrate the Virtual Launch Party of Open Minds (Book One of the Mindjack Trilogy)! (Check out the prizes here.)

Three ways to enter (you can have multiple entries):

1) Leave a comment here or at the Virtual Launch Party post

2) Tweet (with tag #keepingOPENMINDS)

• Example: When everyone reads minds, a secret is a dangerous thing to keep. #keepingOPENMINDS @susankayequinn #SF #YA avail NOW http://bit.ly/SKQOpenMinds
• Example: Celebrate the launch of OPEN MINDS by @susankayequinn #keepingOPENMINDS #SciFi #paranormal #YA avail NOW http://bit.ly/SKQOpenMinds

3) Facebook (tag @AuthorSusanKayeQuinn)

• Example: Celebrate the launch of paranormal/SF novel OPEN MINDS by @AuthorSusanKayeQuinn for a chance to win Open Books/Open Minds prizes! http://bit.ly/SKQOpenMinds

What to Do When the Critics Disagree

One of the more common questions from my post on when your critics are right was what to do when the critics disagree. When one person says your sad ending should be happy, but another says it's not sad enough, who's right?

A little background: Air Pirates is written with two POVs--the main storyline in Hagai's perspective and backstory told in Sam's past. I've gotten all kinds of comments on this.

(For the record, ALL of my beta readers are awesome people who get it. Not a single jerk has read this novel. They just differed in their opinions of where it should go.)

• "I love the two storylines. It never gets boring."
• "I like both Sam and Hagai, but switching back and forth like this is hard. What if you took out Sam's story and made it it's own novel, like a prequel?"
• "Sam is awesome, but I thought Hagai was annoying. Can it just be about Sam?"
• "I LOVE Hagai, but Sam is too much. Can it just be about Hagai?"

If I were to follow this advice, I would simultaneously have to: (1) remove Hagai's story, (2) remove Sam's story, (3) write a novel each for Hagai and Sam, and (4) change nothing.

You can see where that might be difficult.

But the purpose of critiques is not to fix the novel for you. Critiques give you an idea of how people are responding to your novel. It's up to you how you address that. To the tips!

1. FOLLOW YOUR GUT. You know your story best, and you can usually tell which comments resonate with you and which don't. When it was suggested I split the novel in two, I debated it a lot, but ultimately decided it would turn the story into something I didn't want to write. That freed me to focus on what I would change.
2. LOOK AT THE ROOT OF THE COMMENT. Even though their advice was contradictory, all of my beta readers were correct. I just had to go deeper than the advice and look at the reason behind it. Hagai was annoying sometimes, and Sam was sometimes too much, but removing one or the other as a main character wasn't an answer I liked. Knowing the root cause, however, I could fix the real issue: make Hagai more proactive; make Sam less of a Mary Sue.
3. LOOK FOR THE TRUTH IN EVERY COMMENT. So I ignored the suggestion of splitting the novel in two, but did I ignore the comment entirely? Heck, no. There was something that reader didn't like about switching back and forth, and it was my job to figure out what it was. Realizing that made me take a cold, hard look at both storylines to figure out what made "switching" difficult for some people. I shortened some chapters, deleted others, and focused the tension so each storyline could stand on its own, resulting in a far less boring story overall.

It looks cut and dried, but believe me, it wasn't at the time. Analyzing critiques is hard work (and a good reason to limit how many beta readers you have at one time), but Air Pirates is a lot better for it. Good enough? Heck, I don't know. But definitely better.

What do you do when critics disagree?

10 Ways to Tell a Critic Doesn't Get It

On Monday, I said your critics are usually right. But there are times when you get someone who just doesn't get it. How can you tell the difference? Here are some guidelines.

1. They get your characters' names wrong. Repeatedly.
2. They hate your favorite part. Not some clever bit of dialog, but the part where the whole story's about an ex-smuggler who works for an assassin and hopes to find his daughter before his boss does. THAT part.
3. You write a story where evil isn't all black and white, with good guys and villains who are varying shades of gray, and they say, "Your characters seemed to have both good and bad qualities, so that I couldn't identify with any of them."*
4. They suggest you change the vampires because "vampires that drink blood are cliche."
5. The best thing they have to say for your story is, "It didn't make me throw up."
6. They think your epic fantasy is "too unrealistic. Who really believes in dragons anyway?"
7. Their favorite part is the maid with no name and one line of dialog--the one you deleted in the revisions you did while waiting for this critique.
8. Their idea to improve your zombie story is to get rid of the zombies.
9. They end their critique by saying, "I suspect that no matter what I say, you're going to continue trying to write."
10. They send you a link to their self-published novel as "an example of how to do it right."

* Actual quote.


Got anymore?

When Your Critics are Right

"Originally we tried to find a publisher, but each had their reason why THE SHACK was not a book they wanted, or they asked for substantive changes that we felt diminished the story." -- William P. Young, author of THE SHACK

When I first read the above quote, I laughed a little. I'd just finished reading THE SHACK, and while a lot of the ideas in it are frigging fantastic, the story and the prose grated on me the whole way through. I don't know what "substantive changes" were suggested, but at the time I was thinking, "Yeah, like make the story good!"

It may be that Young's potential publishers really would've diminished the things THE SHACK did well. I don't know. I do know that most writers have a vision, an idea of what their story is. And when a critiquer tells them why something isn't working for them, the tendency is to believe the critic is wrong--that the changes they suggest would change the fundamental vision of the story.

Sometimes this is true. Mostly, I think, it isn't.

Most of the time, your critics are right. Even if they don't know writing, they know what they like and what's not working for them. And chances are they represent a significant percentage of your potential readership.

One of my very first beta readers said a certain scene wasn't working for them. He said the prose was too florid, looked like I was trying too hard. I did nothing about it at the time, because I had a "vision" for the scene. It was supposed to be florid, like the narration of someone who thought too much of themselves.

As it turned out, the narrator who thought too much of themselves was me. One year and four major revisions later, I read that scene again and wrote in the margin: "This IS over the top."

All that time, I thought I was being "true to my vision," but after a year's worth of learning the craft, I discovered my friend--who had never written a novel in his life--was 100% correct.

That's today's lesson: Trust your critics. When someone says something isn't working, nine times out of ten, they're right. The people who don't get it are the exceptions.

Actually Critiquing

Have I talked about critique partners enough yet? Well they're important. I do believe you can learn from anybody, at any skill level, but you can learn a heckuva lot more when you find the right folks.

But all the awesome friends in the world will run out if your critiques aren't all that useful. Fortunately, you don't have to be an awesome writer to give good critiques. You just need to pay attention to what's working (and not working) for you, then communicate that.

The rest is just being nice and professional, like so:

1. Don't be a jerk. In particular, assume the author is as intelligent as you are.
2. Be positive. Say everything you like about the story, even if it's small. This not only makes the negative stuff go down easier, but it helps the author know what they're doing right.
3. Be timely. When someone gives me a novel, I tell the author when I think I'll be done (based on life and my normal critique speed). I'd also tell them if I wasn't going to make the deadline for some reason, but so far it hasn't happened.
4. Know what the author wants. Is the manuscript a first draft doomed to revision? Then maybe don't nitpick grammar and spelling so much. Are you the last reader before an agent? Maybe you shouldn't suggest sweeping changes (unless you feel strongly about them, of course).
5. (Optional) Use Track Changes and Comments within the document itself. Obviously this depends on what the author wants, but I've found MS Word's features (and many other word processing programs do this as well) to be the easiest to track. I will always use them unless the author can't read them for some reason.
6. And one more time because it's so freaking important: DON'T BE A JERK!

As with everything, you get better at critiquing with practice. What's even cooler, though, is you get better at writing when you critique too. It's easier to see the speck of dust in someone else's story, and after seeing the same speck over and over, you begin to notice it in your own story.

So go out there and be good critters. Seriously, if I hear one of my blog readers is being mean out there, no more Thai food for you!

More on "The Entire Freaking Internet"

NOTE: Apparently, I'm not the only one who decided it was Critique Week. On Monday, LT Host wrote about the different kind of beta readers, and Natalie Whipple is running a crit partner classifieds. I'm starting to feel redundant, but I'm nothing if not lazydetermined. Let us press on!


Stop me if you know this feeling. You find a critique group only to discover its members are where you were five years ago. Their comments are glowing because they don't know what to say, or else they're pedantic nitpicks that don't help you improve.* You'd prefer a critique from that recently-agented blogger you follow (or Neil Gaiman, if we're being honest), but they stopped answering your e-mails after that "I'll show you mine if you show me yours" comment you made on their blog.

What are you supposed to do?

Fortunately, God and Al Gore made the internet. Do you know how many unpublished authors of every skill level are out there? Thousands. Blogging, commenting, tweeting, and most importantly, critiquing. What you need to do is find the ones who (a) are around (or above!) your skill level and (b) like you a little. Then ask as politely as possible if they want to swap critiques.

How do you know if they like you? Comment on their blog, respond to their tweets, and be a friend. Don't be creepy. Don't be overly-friendly if you hardly know them. And DON'T interact just to get a critique (people can smell that).

How do you know their skill level? Most of the time you don't until you swap a critique. But generally, I say if you've got the time then swap. You can learn something even from beginners, and friends are friends regardless of (current) skill level.

Critiquing an 80,000-word manuscript is a big undertaking, so you need to know what you're asking of people. This is why you swap. This is why you're always professional. This is why you're understanding if they say no, regardless of the reason.

And this is why you're always, always thankful when someone does accept your offer. Even if this is the only manuscript of yours they read, you're making a friend, and that counts for a lot.


* I once got a critique for Pawn's Gambit that said, "Let me send you a story written in Scottish dialect. You deserve it for the headache I got from reading your story.... I suspect no matter what I say you're going to continue trying to write fantasy dialog."

Fortunately, by then I'd had so many people tell me they loved Air Pirates slang that the critique just made me laugh.

Finding Critique Partners

I've decided (somewhat randomly) this is going to be Critique Week on Author's Echo. Some of this stuff I've said before, but finding critique partners and getting/giving good critiques is so dang important, it's worth repeating.

But where do you find someone willing to read 80,000 words and tell you what they think? More over, where do you find people who are actually good at that sort of thing?

I know of three places, though the first two specialize in SF, Fantasy, and Horror. Hopefully folks can offer more in the comments.

1. Critters Writers Workshop. Cost: Free. Wait Time: 4-5 weeks for each submission (you may submit many at once though, and they will be put up for critique one week at a time). Requirement: Critique at least 3 stories every 4 weeks. Submission Length: Up to 20,000 words.
2. Online Writing Workshop. Cost: $49/year (first month free). Wait Time: Minimal. Requirement: Critique at least 4 stories for every submission (after the first). Submission Length: Up to 7,500 words.
3. The Entire Freaking Internet. Cost: Free. Wait Time: Varies based on social media skills-slash-how nice you are: a week to years for the first submission. Subsequent submissions usually have minimal wait time. Requirement: Usually critique 1 story for every submission. Submission Length: No limit.

You laugh, but that last one is a gold mine. My first novel was critiqued by two friends (albeit an avid reader and a lit professor). My second by self-selected readers, still mostly friends and family.

Now, thanks to my *cough* "charisma" and a LOT of time wasted on the internet, I feel comfortable asking for critiques from multiple writers at or above my level, two agented authors, and two published (or scheduled-to-be-published) authors. Shoot, if I can make friends this awesome, so can you.

Social media, man. It really works.