Is that your Fantasy Trope Smashed and Bleeding on the Floor?

Today is the day! (Well, yesterday, actually, but you get the point). Cindy Pon's novel, FURY OF THE PHOENIX, is out in the world, and to celebrate I'm giving away two copies here today.

The first copy, by random drawing, goes to....

J.J. Debenedictis!

And the best bad dialog--winner of both FURY OF THE PHOENIX and the prequel, SILVER PHOENIX--is the one that not only mocked As You Know, Bob sequel dialog, but it tore apart every single fantasy trope at the same time.

Seriously. I have to rethink my own WIP now.
        "Let's go. We must hurry to Mount Sin."
        "Varen, you mean so we can find out you if you are not really the son of your father who is a farmer but may in fact have royal lineage flowing in your veins, and your mother died because she kept you secret because the evil Lord Goranthianolian received a prophecy from a wandering gypsy who said a child with a glaring star birthmark on their forehead is the only thing that could destroy his evil empire at the solar eclipse sixteen years hence, which just happens to be this summer, but your fake mother, who is actually your mother's nurse maid who ran away with you on your real mother's order to save your life kept this great secret from you for unknown reasons until now, and we only know about it because of Moira, who we thought was a boy but is a girl who was dressed as a boy so she could avenge her father's death and whose death may be from the hands of Lord Goranthianolian's most trusted war leader and chief commander, Tim, and is only exceeded in evil by the great lord himself, and for a little bit we thought she was related to you, but that turned out to not be true, which is a good thing for you, and now we have to travel across hundred of miles to Mount Sin and seek the wisdom of an old shaman woman who lives on a volcano for no apparent reason and see if you truly are the star child of the great prophecy, and we have to do it before the month wears out so we still have time to assemble an army, make new friends, probably pick up a talking cat, and a couple of side quests along the way to deter us, oh, and Moira will probably be kidnapped at some point as well and we will have to rescue her, and do it all in a logistically impossible short amount of time, and save the world?"
        "Yes, exactly. Saying it like that makes it sound horrible. Please don't ever say it like that again."
        "Yes, young possible lord."

It also may be the single longest sentence in the history of bad dialog. Anyway, congratulations Heather Zundel! If the winners could e-mail me at adamheine@gmail.com with a shipping address, I'll have their prizes shipped straight away.

As for the rest of you, are you sad you didn't win? A bit jealous, maybe? Well get your own copy! You know you want to.

10 comments:

Heather Zundel said...

I can't believe it. Thank you so much! I loved Lori's entry too. She was definitely a contender. And you caught the enormo run-on sentence part, did you? I did try to make it as horrible as humanely possible. :)

Funnily enough, I just barely put up a blog post on a book that deals exactly with this stuff. And trust me, she does it far better than I can. It is seriously a fantastic resource for anyone wanting to write fantasy.

Susan Kaye Quinn said...

I was going to vote for Heather, but then I realized I didn't get a vote. :)

Hopping over to check out Heather's post...

Matthew MacNish said...

My god that's awesome! Well done. Congrats to the winners.

Victoria Dixon said...

Yes, I do. :D Sorry I missed the contest. :( I was having a lousy, got-a-rejection-from-dream-agent-and-I-don't-want-to-talk-about-it day. Even though it was a four paragraph explanation of why I was being rejected, which was nice for a change.

Iliadfan said...

@Heather, that was great. I'm still laughing...

jjdebenedictis said...

*flaily-flaily* I won something! Good Google, that's awesome!

And speaking of awesome--oh my, yes, Heather's entry deserved to win. Hilarious!

Thanks very much, Adam, for holding this contest. It was a lot of fun!

Girl Friday said...

That is a thing of true genius.

Myrna Foster said...

Wow. I meant to think of something cool and enter, but I forgot. Mere "cool" wouldn't have touched Heather's entry though.

Congrats to both!

A.L. Sonnichsen said...

I love how she threw the name Tim in there! Lol! Thanks, Heather. I needed a good laugh today and that was perfect.

I'm not caught up with the blogs I follow, so I totally missed this contest. And yes, I'm mad at myself and insanely jealous!!

But congratulations anyway, winners. :)

Amy

Adam Heine said...

Sorry you didn't get to vote, Susan. Next time we'll do it that way (I hate choosing anyway--you guys make it so hard!).

And, Victoria! I'm SO sorry to hear about your bad rejection day. I've been there, though without the 4-para explanation. I know the rejection sucks, but that's still something to be happy about.