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This week we have a query for an upper middle-grade fantasy called HARD TRUTHS. My overall thoughts are at the end. As always, this is just my opinion. Your mileage may vary.
|Not sure what a "peacekeeping"|
dragon is, but otherwise okay.
|Last paragraph makes it sounds|
like she doesn't want to have a
dragon. Now she's determined to
be the best Dragoneer.
|I'm a bit confused here. Don't know|
what his scheme is or why the
dragons are in the way.
|Not sure about "be a good person,"|
but I'm glad to see a choice :-)
I am a member of SCBWI and have written commercial scripts. HARD TRUTHS is my first novel.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
If Reyna ends up being the queen, her name might be too on the nose ;-)
Overall, this is pretty good. It's clear and easy to read, with just a hint of voice.
I would like a little more voice, if possible, but it's not critical. Part of me also wants to know more about Dragoneers and their peacekeeping dragons, but that might clutter the query.
What I'd really like is to better understand Reyna's father's plan and (therefore) the choice she has to make. What makes her father's scheme nefarious? (The query says, but it's not as clear as it could be). What does it mean for Reyna to be a good daughter? Does she kill her own dragon? What does it mean for her to be a good person?
I think it's close, because I get the feeling from the query that you have answers to these questions; they're just not coming across yet. I'd request pages, but I think this query could be even stronger.
What do the rest of you guys think?