On the Art of Socializing

(In which my wife Cindy and I discuss taking our five boys to a local playgroup)
Cindy: "I don't know if I want to go to playgroup tomorrow. But the boys would love it. I feel bad."
Me: "They have snacks at playgroup, right?"
Cindy: "Yes..."
Me: "I'll take the boys."
Cindy: *smirks* "You'd have to socialize with people."
Me: "You'd be surprised how rarely you actually 'have to' socialize."
Cindy: *laughs* "Yeah, you'll just sit next to the snack table with your book, not even checking to see if the boys are getting in trouble."
Me: "I'd watch the boys!"
Cindy: "See, this is why you don't get to go."

(A little later)
Cindy: "I guess I'll go, but I'm so tired. I don't know if I want to talk with anybody."
Me: "You want some tips on blowing people off?"
Cindy: "Sure."
Me: *gets excited* "Okay, first you need to look like you're doing something."
Cindy: *chuckles* "Like your book?"
Me: "Yeah, you take a book or a notebook or pretend you need to discipline your kids..."
Cindy: "I could talk to you on the phone."
Me: "That would work. Or headphones! Headphones are great, because you can pretend you don't even hear the person. And if someone doesn't get the hint, you make them stand there until they call you three or four times, then you make a big show of taking your headphones out and blink at them and say, 'Did you say something?'"
Cindy: *stares*
Me: "I've never done that before."


K. Marie Criddle said...

BWA HA HA. This is brilliant. I need to bring headphones to my next playgroup. :D

Peggy Eddleman said...

Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha! This was AWESOME.

Emmet said...

Make eye contact as people talk to you then simply don't respond and go back to reading your book. This puts the interaction failure on them, they didn't reach the minimum required to warrant a response. I've started doing this more as I get older, unfortunately it is never intentional.

Susan Kaye Quinn said...

I am SO not letting you talk to my husband.

Sarah Allen said...

Ha ha :) I know how this goes a little well to be healthy, probably :)

Sarah Allen
(my creative writing blog)

A.L. Sonnichsen said...

LOL! This is awesome. I can just see you sitting next to the snack table with a book, too.

So, did you end up going to play group?


Adam Heine said...

Dang, Emmet. I originally told her not to make eye contact so they'd go away faster, but yours is better. Put the interaction failure on them...

Myrna Foster said...

Oh, Emmett, that is SO my dad.

I suck at not interacting. I'll take something to work on, but no one ever thinks it's as important as what they have to tell me (or answering their questions on whatever I'm working on).

Matthew MacNish said...

This is why my Kindle always comes to soccer practice, so I don't have to talk to the moms.