What If You Don't Make It?

I saw this comic by Katie Shanahan the other day, and it's really stuck with me, so I want to share it.

See, I'm 47 years old and have been writing professionally for a couple of decades. I've published some stories and helped ship some games, and I'm super proud of all of that. But, you know, I started this blog with bigger dreams and excitement than has been borne out thus far.

But this comic helped remind me that I'm not done yet—not if I don't want to be.

And if there's one thing I've learned in 17.2 years of active social media, it's that I am basically never alone in my feelings. So, this is for you, too:

Will I make it? I don't know.

But what does "making it" even mean? I get to paid to write sometimes (even making the occasional royalties). I've designed and written for multiple highly rated games (even enabling a record-breaking crowdfunding campaign). I've raised over a dozen really excellent humans (possibly saving the lives of some). I've streamed games, speedrunned (speedran?), and managed several TTRPG campaigns.

So... maybe I have "made it"? That question is what I'm actively working on, and have been for decades, and will be for as long as I write: Why do I do this? What do I hope to achieve? How will I know when I achieved it?

The answer used to be "get published!" Which I did. And that's still something I'm aiming for, but I don't want it to be my definition of "making it." There's no sense trying to find my value in something that's out of my control.

And that's why Katie's comic really speaks to me. Maybe I've made it. Maybe I haven't. But it doesn't matter. I write because I enjoy writing. Nothing else.

Maybe I've made it when I'm enjoying making a thing. Everything else is icing.