It doesn't matter how low my odds are, or how many times I do it, whenever I enter
a contest or send out a query (which, really, is just another kind of contest), I get all hopeful and excited and daydreamy and, basically, set myself up for a let down. I can't help it. No matter how much I try to tell myself it's not gonna happen, part of me refuses to believe it.
This goes for beta reading too. Right now,
Air Pirates is in the hands of real people - with
eyes and
thoughts. Over the next few weeks they're going to tell me what they think of it. I constantly catch myself thinking, "They're going to love it, and I'm going to send it out right away." That's stupid, I know. I've been doing this how long, and I still think someone will say it's perfect??
Of course then I go the other way. I start thinking about what they might say, and suddenly I notice everything that's wrong with the story. I
know what they're going to say. Well you don't have to say it, all right? It's terrible, I know!
You see my problem? The only thing I can do is stop thinking about it, but that's hard. Especially when I talk to my beta readers. There's this voice begging me to say, "So do you like it? Oh please tell me you like it. Wait, what if you don't? Never mind, don't tell me. Oh, but I can already see it in your eyes..."
It goes on like this. Now, listen. If you're one of my beta readers, I'm
not fishing for compliments or early opinions here. Don't tell me anything until you've finished reading it, really. It wouldn't help. If you liked it, I'd be all, "They like it! I'll be able to send it out, I know it. But wait, what if they get to the end and they change their mind? Oh no, they're going to be so disappointed!"
And if you were more honest, told me you didn't like it... well, that's something I deal with better if I can focus on the reasons, the critique itself.
I'm such a mess. Fortunately I have distractions today. No fireworks (the Embassy has a party, but we can't bring our kids without IDs), but there's Transformers 2 and bowling with the kids. That's a good day.