From Anthdrawlogy's Olympics week.
What's your favorite failed Olympic event?
Failed Olympic Events
The Cat Toss. For the record, I would totally watch this.
From Anthdrawlogy's Olympics week.
What's your favorite failed Olympic event?
From Anthdrawlogy's Olympics week.
What's your favorite failed Olympic event?
The Problem With Self-Imposed Deadlines
The trilemma above is a universal for any project. And I've realized this is exactly why my self-imposed deadlines almost never work. I mean, I'll set them, but then I'll get stuck on something, or a problem will appear that I didn't foresee. And once my deadline is broken, replacing it just feels . . . fake.
My self-imposed deadlines don't work because, in the querying and submission stages, the choice above is made for me:
CHEAP, because nobody's paying me. (The only way it could be cheaper is if I paid for the privilege to write which, really, yuck).
GOOD, because if it's not my best stuff, then nobody will ever pay me.
In a way, it's kind of nice. I don't have to choose! I can take all the time I need to make it right, and it's okay.
Under real deadlines, now, I'm a pro. But that's usually because somebody gave them to me. With money. And an implicit declaration of which of these three is least important to them.
I can do that.
How about you? Do self-imposed deadlines work for you?
First Impact: WARRIORS OVER DARKNESS AND THE UNSETTLED GRAVE by Clarissa
I hope you all had a good vacation. Because it's time for another First Impact Critique,
where we take a look at your queries, first pages, back cover copy, etc.
You want to make an impact right from the start. We're here to help
you do that.
If you'd like to submit your first impact material, send it to firstimpactAE@gmail.com. Details here.
Remember, anyone who offers their comments this month is eligible for either $10 for Amazon or B&N OR a 20-page critique from me.
This week we have the first page of a YA urban fantasy from Clarissa. My inline comments are to the side, with overall thoughts at the end. As always, this is all just my opinion. Your mileage may vary.
First Page
It was past the pier’s midnight closing hour, but
teenage lagers in their drunken stumbles were taking forever to leave
the grounds. She could hear their hoots and slurred tongues along with
the wasted giggles and sloppy kisses of insecure girls. They didn’t see
Aleera of course; but the eeriness her mere presence exuded could put
more pep in their steps than any vicious canine. She supposed it was
wrong, but even after decades of looking like a youngster fresh out of
school, abusing her abilities was a habit no rehab could ever break.
And abuse them she did. Her exhale was the prickly
sensations bouncing across their necks. Her intense gray stare burning
cracks in their backs was the feeling of a predator on prey. The dark
whispers melting from her lips were the voices inside their heads. Like
the devilish ones that tell long-face men to kill, kill, kill their
loved ones in disgusting ways…but Aleera vowed to never go that far.
If you'd like to submit your first impact material, send it to firstimpactAE@gmail.com. Details here.
Remember, anyone who offers their comments this month is eligible for either $10 for Amazon or B&N OR a 20-page critique from me.
This week we have the first page of a YA urban fantasy from Clarissa. My inline comments are to the side, with overall thoughts at the end. As always, this is all just my opinion. Your mileage may vary.
First Page
 |
| The highlighted bit is a little vague for me, but okay. I'm curious who thinks bloodshed is a good thing. 2nd sentence is a bit awkward. |
After-hours at the lakefront carnival was a perfect place for
bloodshed, especially the kind saddled with revenge. As an assassin of
daemonic creatures, Aleera Merrick knew that fun fact all too well
considering the shoreline was where she found plenty of her victims and
even dumped them in the very handy Lake Michigan. Plus, the high rides
and skyscrapers were great stakeout points.
|
| Isn't a lager a kind of beer? The longish, awkward sentences are starting to get to me. |
|
| I like these two highlighted lines. |
And just like that they were gone.
If
she wasn’t careful she could drive folks mad. The extent of her power
tugged slyness at her lips. Mundane humans never changed. They would
always be so easy to manipulate. It was in their nature; Adam and Eve
were proof enough. That’s precisely why she had to protect them from
creatures like to her…the untamed ones.
Adam's Thoughts
I don't think I really got into this until the third paragraph. And I think the reason is that there's a lot of thinking and telling here, but the third paragraph is where we really get to see what Aleera can do. And it's awesome and it's creepy.
Not that you can't ever tell. Sometimes that's just what you gotta do. But it'll draw the reader in more if she's doing something, and if we can learn about her through what she does.
I think this is why people say you should start with action. Not because you need exciting openings with explosions, but because we want to do something with the character, rather than read her thoughts.
And it does seem like a fascinating world. Aleera is an intriguing anti-hero, and I'm curious what shakes up her world.
So, what do the rest of you guys think?
The Reality of Dungeons & Dragons
As a kid, I was taught that D&D is of the devil, but the reality is much, much worse.
Yup. Good times. Good times.
I realize it's Christmas Eve, and you're probably not even reading this right now. If you are, then know the blog is going dark for the holidays. (And if you aren't reading this . . . weird). I'll be back with a First Impact post on January 2nd.
Have a good break!
Yup. Good times. Good times.
I realize it's Christmas Eve, and you're probably not even reading this right now. If you are, then know the blog is going dark for the holidays. (And if you aren't reading this . . . weird). I'll be back with a First Impact post on January 2nd.
Have a good break!
First Impact: TALIHINA GRACE by Randal J. Brewer
It's time for another First Impact Critique,
where we take a look at your queries, first pages, back cover copy, etc.
You want to make an impact right from the start. We're here to help
you do that.
If you'd like to submit your first impact material, send it to firstimpactAE@gmail.com. Details here.
Remember, anyone who offers their comments this month is eligible for either $10 for Amazon or B&N OR a 20-page critique from me.
This week we have a query letter for a commercial literary novel. My inline comments are to the side, with overall thoughts at the end. As always, this is all just my opinion. Your mileage may vary.
Query
Talihina Grace - The hard place no one plans for and the person that meets us there.
93,451 words/complete
Commercial literary fiction
After Yola Hernandez kills her abusive boyfriend in a sudden rage and
flees in a panic, she finds herself stranded in a small Eastern Oklahoma
town with nothing but a new name and a young daughter. It’s a temporary
stop; just a place to hide and save a little money before moving on;
not a good place to become connected to the people, and not a good place
to fall in love.
Vivian Greene has moved from the city into her grandmother’s mountain
home and opens a café in Talihina. Her pending divorce feels like
freedom to her, but has placed her teenage daughter in the same unhappy
situation Vivian once lived through.
Cale Williams has tried to fill the void left by his wife's death by working, raising twin boys, and pastoring a small church, but the arrival of two new women in Talihina has thrown off his careful balance. He is attracted to Vivian, but conflicted by his position as her pastor and the proper counsel he should be giving her. He is equally conflicted, perhaps even tormented by the visions he has of the beautiful and secretive waitress at Vivian’s café whom the folks of Talihina know as Teresa.
I have no writing credits or education to offer other than a time as a
sports editor for small local newspapers. I am self-taught, and Talihina
Grace is my debut effort. I am very proud of the result, and the sequel
(Talihina Hope?) is underway. I plan to make these the first of many
future novels.
Thank you forthe opportunity to submit this letter and for your your time and consideration,
Randal J. Brewer
Adam's Thoughts
The meat of the query, the story, is not bad at all. It shows me you can write, and it sounds interesting.
I want a little more though. Maybe connect the three characters sooner (for example, you could tell us Yola is working at Vivian's cafe in Yola's paragraph, maybe). And I really want a sense of the plot. This is a good setup, and I would read the sample pages, but I still don't know what happens. What compelling choice do these characters need to make?
Writing a query highlighting three different characters can be difficult. So another thing you might consider is sticking to a single point of view and focusing on fewer characters.
Lastly, in your submission you said that TALIHINA GRACE has already been self-published. This is something you need to mention in the query. Rachelle Gardner wrote a post on this topic that you definitely should read. I don't know whether it will hurt your chances (probably depends on the agent), but if you don't tell them up front, your chances will still be the same and the agent might be upset you didn't tell them. No need to risk that.
What do the rest of you guys think, about the query in particular?
If you'd like to submit your first impact material, send it to firstimpactAE@gmail.com. Details here.
Remember, anyone who offers their comments this month is eligible for either $10 for Amazon or B&N OR a 20-page critique from me.
This week we have a query letter for a commercial literary novel. My inline comments are to the side, with overall thoughts at the end. As always, this is all just my opinion. Your mileage may vary.
Query
|
| I wasn't sure if these were part of the query, or here just for me. If the former, write it in paragraph form and round the words to the nearest 1,000. |
93,451 words/complete
Commercial literary fiction
|
| Make sure line breaks between the paragraphs make it into your e-mail. |
|
| You should mention the name of the town in para 1. It's not clear this is the same town Yola's in. |
Cale Williams has tried to fill the void left by his wife's death by working, raising twin boys, and pastoring a small church, but the arrival of two new women in Talihina has thrown off his careful balance. He is attracted to Vivian, but conflicted by his position as her pastor and the proper counsel he should be giving her. He is equally conflicted, perhaps even tormented by the visions he has of the beautiful and secretive waitress at Vivian’s café whom the folks of Talihina know as Teresa.
|
| See here for why I cut this. And you can talk about future novels if/when the agent considers representation. |
Thank you for
Randal J. Brewer
Adam's Thoughts
The meat of the query, the story, is not bad at all. It shows me you can write, and it sounds interesting.
I want a little more though. Maybe connect the three characters sooner (for example, you could tell us Yola is working at Vivian's cafe in Yola's paragraph, maybe). And I really want a sense of the plot. This is a good setup, and I would read the sample pages, but I still don't know what happens. What compelling choice do these characters need to make?
Writing a query highlighting three different characters can be difficult. So another thing you might consider is sticking to a single point of view and focusing on fewer characters.
Lastly, in your submission you said that TALIHINA GRACE has already been self-published. This is something you need to mention in the query. Rachelle Gardner wrote a post on this topic that you definitely should read. I don't know whether it will hurt your chances (probably depends on the agent), but if you don't tell them up front, your chances will still be the same and the agent might be upset you didn't tell them. No need to risk that.
What do the rest of you guys think, about the query in particular?
When Is Piracy Okay?
It's been a while since we talked about piracy. I don't have anything new to say on the subject, but I thought we could have a little discussion starter. So first, a poll: When is it okay to pirate something?
The question is about ethics, not legality. The legality answer is easy and objective (for most countries, the answer is "never").
ANSWER DESCRIPTIONS:
1) Never. Self-explanatory, I think.
2) When there is no way to get it, even with money. For example, your favorite TV show is geo-blocked and is not available on iTunes. Netflix and Hulu are likewise geo-blocked. You couldn't pay for a copy even if you wanted to.
3) When there is no way to get it, except with a lot of money. The publisher of a book you want refuses to release an e-book version. You could get a paper copy, but within shipping it'll cost like $40. For one book.
4) When you've already paid for one version of it, but you want another version as well. You bought that TV show you want on iTunes, but you want a DVD so the kids can watch without tying up your computer.
5) When you could get a version of it, but it's not what you want. You don't actually want it on iTunes, since iTunes sucks on Windows and you'd rather watch it on your TV.
6) When you could get what you want, but the owner of the property is a money-grubbing corporate tool. Why pay for it when you can stick it to the man?
7) Whenever the heck you want. It's a free country. Also self-explanatory.
Feel free to elaborate your answer in the comments. It's a sticky issue, after all.
I'll be honest: I answered (2). We try very hard to lean toward NEVER (seeing as we are not, in fact, poor mountain villagers that eat only rice and chilis), but we also have a So You Think You Can Dance addiction that Fox won't let us feed :-(
The question is about ethics, not legality. The legality answer is easy and objective (for most countries, the answer is "never").
ANSWER DESCRIPTIONS:
1) Never. Self-explanatory, I think.
2) When there is no way to get it, even with money. For example, your favorite TV show is geo-blocked and is not available on iTunes. Netflix and Hulu are likewise geo-blocked. You couldn't pay for a copy even if you wanted to.
3) When there is no way to get it, except with a lot of money. The publisher of a book you want refuses to release an e-book version. You could get a paper copy, but within shipping it'll cost like $40. For one book.
4) When you've already paid for one version of it, but you want another version as well. You bought that TV show you want on iTunes, but you want a DVD so the kids can watch without tying up your computer.
5) When you could get a version of it, but it's not what you want. You don't actually want it on iTunes, since iTunes sucks on Windows and you'd rather watch it on your TV.
6) When you could get what you want, but the owner of the property is a money-grubbing corporate tool. Why pay for it when you can stick it to the man?
7) Whenever the heck you want. It's a free country. Also self-explanatory.
Feel free to elaborate your answer in the comments. It's a sticky issue, after all.
I'll be honest: I answered (2). We try very hard to lean toward NEVER (seeing as we are not, in fact, poor mountain villagers that eat only rice and chilis), but we also have a So You Think You Can Dance addiction that Fox won't let us feed :-(
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